Ugly Guitar Truth: Fender Acoustisonic

I'm not sure when it was that these guitars first hit the shelves. If I recall correctly, it was when I was starting my guitar journey. Acoustic guitars that were shaped like electrics. It made sense. If you played electric but needed to switch to acoustic for a song, or if you really didn't like playing a large-bodied acoustic, then these seem to be made just for you. Lots of people must have felt so because these hideous abominations were everywhere. Every six-string playing youth pastor in the bible belt had one of these in his office/chevy blazer. Not to mention that every 20-something, female "singer-songwriter" had one in her college dorm room. Why were these so popular? They were objectively awful. They sounded like wet garbage that somehow was let ablaze. Yet, I'm sure Fender could have paid everyone college tuition with the profits from this line. Then again, college was cheaper then.

I'd typically put a picture here, but If I grabbed a promotional image of these it would just make me angry.

They've brought them back, dear God, They've brought them back. But these aren't the instruments that were back then. These are not meant to help people learn, or be a stand-in for your electric for a bedroom jam. These are priced well beyond any entry-level instrument. A quick price check revealed $2000 price tags. I couldn't believe it, so I checked around a little more. I'm not dreaming, the product of a luthier's fever dream is now demanding thousands of dollars.

I actually saw these for the first time on an Andertons' video probably a year or so ago. I didn't think much of it because if I did, then I'd just get angry. What surprised me, though, was that they didn't sound nearly as horrible as I remembered. I mean, from what I could tell, the electronics on board were putting out what I guitar only describe as "guitar noises". Some of the features are actually welcome. Magnetic pickups and output blending are smart options. It looked as though Fender had put a little bit of thought into these guitars this time around. I gave it a pass. I can honestly say that I haven't given it a second thought since then, but now they've put out the Acoustisonic Strat. They've doubled down. That's when I looked a little further, saw that they were asking as much as a professional instrument, and decided to write (or scream into the void of the internet) my thoughts.

They asked if they could, but never stopped to ask themselves if they should. These guitars are better in every way than the ones that came before. I wouldn't blame anyone who has seen one and considered purchasing one. These are perfect guitars to be sold on-line and demoed on YouTube. They are capable of sounding pleasant. They look well made and attractive. The satin finishes and appointments are top-notch. I'm sure from a stage, these guitars are impressive. However, the acoustic noise that emits from the guitars is the same awful, thin, and stale sounds that the originals had. You know what else the originals had? Horrible balance issues. These guitars would neck-dive harder than SG basses making them a terrible stage guitar. Seeing the price tag of these guitars mad me angry and physically ill. Unless they put a counterweight in the body of the guitar (which I'm sure is just great for acoustics) then I'd rather hurl one of these across a stage than have to play a set with it.

In conclusion

Don't buy one of these. There are so many alternatives that aren't an affront to God. If there is some millionaire out there that wants to do something good for the world, then please buy every one of these and put them into those barrels that homeless people warm themselves by.

NAMM 2019: Fender American Acoustasonic

NAMM is upon us again, and I think the thing that everyone has an opinion about is the new Acoustasonic guitars from Fender. The early 2000s were a pioneering time. One of the standout products for the guitarist from that time is the Acoustasonic. You can probably think of someone you know that know that owns one. I know so many people that had one. this guitar is like the product of a love affair of Ovation guitar, with its round, composite back, and a Telecaster. I honestly can't stand them. They are neck heavy, bulky, awkward and dead sounding. In short, I hate them.

Enter, NAMM 2019. Fender has had hit after hit. The new line of effects is stellar and growing. Their limited artist tribute series must be making money hand over fist. It seems like Fender can do no wrong. Then there is this. The concept is a compromise. It must have been designed by a committee. It's like someone asked, "How do we get an electric guitarist to buy an acoustic?" then people started shouting out ideas at random. The end result was what we know today. It looks like they got the band back together to brainstorm again. This time they thought that exotic woods, an oddly sized soundhole and randomly place pickup should be added. I don't know what the street price is on this, but I'm sure I wouldn't pay half of whatever it is.